Hidden Costs of High-Conflict Divorce

By the time you and your spouse have decided on divorce, you’ve probably had a great deal of conflict, hurt feelings, and lost trust. A high-conflict divorce may seem almost inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and if you and your spouse can think about the damage that such a divorce will cause, you may be able to come to an agreement to turn down the heat and choose a more amicable route, such as collaborative law or mediation, for your divorce.

Financial costs

When I work with divorcing clients in Bucks County, the financial price tag is usually the first thing of concern when talking about “costs.”   With years of experience, I know that the more animosity the spouses have toward each other, the more expensive it will get. The more time you and your partner spend arguing in court, refusing to budge on your demands, airing your grievances, and (possibly) trying to get revenge, the longer the process takes and the more expensive it gets. Some litigated high-conflict divorces can take years to resolve.

The attorney fees from repeated legal services and seemingly endless court appearances could become so high that you waste your child’s college fund or other significant savings on litigation instead of putting that money toward your or your child’s future.

Emotional and physical costs

High-conflict divorces are emotionally exhausting. The constant rage, anger, and tears often lead to depression and anxiety, which could cost you even more in therapy or counseling fees. The endless legal battle means having to answer more questions, attend more meetings, and provide more documents. These pressures weigh heavily on the mind and take a toll on your physical health.

And of course, all of this spills over to your children. They will sense your anxiety, even if you try to hide it. You may find yourself snapping at them unnecessarily. The many legal meetings mean you will have less time with them. And your anger toward your spouse will affect their relationships with both of you, as they may either choose sides or try to play the peacemaker (a situation no child should be put in). A contentious divorce of their parents is not something children can easily forget, and they may need counseling to help them process it.

The alternatives

I have specialized in divorce mediation and collaborative law because I’ve seen the harm that litigated divorce can cause to individuals and their families. Mediation and collaboration both give you the opportunity to dissolve your marriage in a completely private manner, significantly more quickly and less expensively than going to court, and with much less contention and anxiety.

In collaborative law, each spouse hires their own attorney, and all four parties sign an agreement not to litigate. All parties are committed to settling out of court. The benefit of collaboration is that you have your own attorney whose goal is to help you get the very best settlement. It is more cooperative than litigating, but there is still the help of legal counsel for each spouse. In collaborative law, there may also be a child specialist, a divorce coach, and a financial planner, as needed.

Mediation in a divorce involves the couple and a neutral party (mediator) who facilitates discussions, resolves conflicts, informs the couple on various points of the law without advising them, and helps the couple find creative, peaceful ways to resolve issues. 

I can help you determine which method is best for your situation. Give me a call at our Doylestown, Bucks County office at (215) 345-5259 for a complimentary initial consultation so that we can discuss your situation and complete your divorce with minimal conflict and maximum success.