When Your Teenager Refuses to Follow the Custody Schedule

Divorce is usually difficult for children as they deal with transitions and new family dynamics.  Younger kids are usually compliant, willing, and even excited to visit their non-custodial parent and follow the agreed-upon visitation schedule. But as they get older, especially in the teen years, things may change. A teenager may begin to resist visiting the other parent, which can cause problems for you, your co-parent/ex-spouse, and your custody agreement. Mediation is an excellent way to help identify the issues and find a suitable new visitation agreement that satisfies everyone.

Talk to your teenager

Your child should feel heard.  

Of course, you should try to talk to your child first and find out why they don’t want to go. Is it just a matter of inconvenience? If your ex-spouse has moved a distance away, traveling back and forth might be long and tedious. Or maybe the visitation weekends fall on days when there’s an important extracurricular activity or when friends hang out together. Maybe the teen just wants a little more say over their schedule and is exerting independence. Or maybe the other parent has stricter rules that the child doesn’t like – for instance, no cellphone use after 10 pm.

These concerns are very real to your child, but they are not particularly serious. It should be possible to talk to your child about the importance of maintaining a relationship with the other parent. But if your child tells you that the other parent yells at or belittles them, the child’s concerns should be recognized and believed. But resist the temptation to speak ill of the other parent. You were not there, and you don’t know exactly what the behavior entails.

The state of Pennsylvania still recognizes the importance of children maintaining a relationship with both parents, even if the child is resistant. If you do not do all you can to encourage the child to visit the other parent and try to be respectful, the co-parent could file a Petition for Contempt, requiring a hearing that may put your custody at risk or lead to legal or monetary sanctions for non-compliance. A teenager should be able to understand the seriousness of this outcome and should see the need to find a compromise.

However, we hope this matter does not wind up in court.  

Consider mediation

As a mediator, I help people communicate in a respectful and constructive way to resolve disputes and reach agreements with the least stress possible. When both parents come in for a mediation session, we can hopefully make valuable progress. I can help you productively talk about issues, chart a course forward, and make adjustments to the visiting schedule that could accommodate your child’s social and extracurricular needs while respecting the other parent’s rights and desire to see the teen.

A strained relationship between a teenager and a parent can often be resolved with the help of a family counselor. But frequently I have found that, as teens often chafe against parental authority at least a little, talking it out in a mediation session is often enough to resolve misunderstandings and allow for a reset in the relationship.

Come into our Doylestown, Bucks County office so we can talk about a visitation schedule that your teen can have some say in. Sometimes, all a teen wants is to be heard. Recognizing that your child is on their way to adulthood and giving them a say in visitation may be all they need. Call (215) 345-5259 for a complimentary consultation.