Why and How to Ask for a Prenuptial Agreement

When you’re in love and starting your life together, you hardly want to think about getting divorced and splitting the assets. For this reason, prenuptial agreements have a very bad reputation. There is the risk that starting the discussion will burst the bubble of “happily ever after” that all young couples dream of, so the conversation rarely gets broached.

However, if discussed gently and sensitively, with the mindset that it could benefit and strengthen your relationship, a prenuptial agreement can actually be a fruitful step toward your future together.

Planning for the unthinkable is a part of modern life. For instance, no one ever plans to have a traffic accident, and we do everything in our power to avoid it. Yet everyone gets car insurance because sometimes stuff happens. A prenuptial agreement is like that. While the conversation may be initially uncomfortable, share with your future spouse that you want to have a practical conversation about something that you hope never happens and will do everything in your power to avoid, but want to be prepared for if the unthinkable does occur.

It’s very important that you are coming from a position of trust, and that you really do want what’s best for both of you. You cannot fake this. More than 50% of communication is nonverbal, and your partner will pick up on your subtle cues in body language and tone if you really don’t trust him or her. But if you’re sincerely concerned about both of you benefiting from it, your fiancé should pick that up.

This is not a one-time conversation. Start with something like this: “Honey, I know this is going to sound strange because we’re going to last forever, but I’ve heard a lot about the importance of prenuptial agreements and I thought we should discuss how it might benefit us in our situation.” This is not an attack, this is a discussion-starter, allowing your partner to express feelings on the matter. Be prepared with some facts to share, but don’t expect a decision right away. Table it for another time, suggesting you look into it together some time soon.  

Start this process early, preferably when you start talking about marriage or are recently engaged. Rushing the process might lead to feelings of doubt or resentment. Spend time together looking at information on the subject, and choose a legal advisor to consult with about the process. Each step allows for more discussion.

If you come from a wealthy family, don’t blame your parents for the prenup. Take ownership as a responsible adult, and don’t set up an adversarial relationship with the in-laws.  

Some of the items usually found in a prenuptial agreement include: real estate, your own business, alimony, assets set aside for children, bank accounts and credit cards, debt, personal property, and pets. Encourage your fiancé to think about what items he or she would like to include. This is, after all, for both of you.    

One of the major causes of friction in marriage is money. Prenuptial planning helps couples learn how to discuss this thorny issue in a healthy and honest way, right from the start. And if you’re already married, consider a post-nuptial. It’s basically the same as a pre-nuptial, so after the healthy discussion as outlined above, consult with a legal advisor experienced in pre- and post-nuptial agreements. And don’t forget to update them as time goes on and your family grows. Your insurance should grow with you.