Valentine’s Day Survival for the Divorced and Divorcing
Divorced and divorcing persons often have trouble figuring out what to do come Valentine’s Day.
Make the day about a broader definition of love with gifts to family members or friends instead of a lover?
Ignore the day? (Hard to do with such a commercialized event.)
Take the psychological stance that you are your own best companion at this point?
As a lawyer who deals daily with the heartbreak of divorce, I can only say that there is no one answer that fits all divorced or divorcing persons. If you find yourself shrinking at the sight of red hearts and flowers, perhaps take this as “evidence” that you need to do some survival thinking in advance.
I’ve included some links below to blogs and magazines much better suited than I to guide you emotionally through this holiday. Yet, I do have some legal advice for lovers, romantics and general married folk.
- Don’t let the expectations of Valentine’s Day propel you into a decision regarding your marriage you wouldn’t ordinarily make – either to break it or re-make it. Best to leave such contemplations to a quieter, less pressured time.
- Do allow the holiday and its sugary reminders to prompt you into exploring the deeper meaning of love, and how that translates into legal documents. For instance, consider that drafting a Will and getting your estate in order so your significant other doesn’t have to deal with it after you are gone is also an act of love. I realize this may be an unpopular theme on Valentine’s Day, but, hey, I am a family law attorney. I have witnessed the devastation that death of a spouse can bring, and the crippling addition of stress that comes from unsettled funeral and estate issues.
- Consider other ways to shower love. Have you put off a legal name change to honor someone who raised you? Or, delayed stepparent adoption for your child, pondering the right moment to do so in your new marriage?
- Do nothing and forget it.
After all, St. Valentine, allegedly, was a priest who secretly married young couples against Roman law that prevented soldiers from marrying. He apparently went to prison for it. This romanticized ideal of the origins of marital bliss wrapped in civil disobedience hardly applies to those coping with the reality of divorce and separation in today’s world.
Here’s hoping the following links help you better discover the “evidence” of true love in your life. And, call my office at 215-345-5259 for a free consult to discuss any of the above.
From Divorce Magazine
From Second Saturday
From Prevention Magazine
For Moms
For Men
– Elissa C. Goldberg, Esquire