The Role of the Mediator in Settling Your Divorce

Divorce mediation has significant advantages over litigation. A court battle here in Bucks County is time-consuming and costly, both financially and emotionally. Moreover, you lose both privacy and control. The judge’s decision is final, whether you like it or not, and divorce proceedings become part of the public record. Therefore, your private life, pain, and struggles are available for anyone to see. 

As a divorce mediator, I help couples navigate the difficult process of ending their marriage with as little expense, time, and drama as possible. My role is to guide couples through the process: preparation, negotiation, and the final settlement. 

Preparation

As an attorney and experienced mediator, I advise my clients on what they will need to do in order to prepare for negotiations. This generally includes:

• Gathering necessary documents: financial, legal, familial, and any other documentation that will support the negotiation process
• Thinking through goals and desired outcomes, short-term and long-term
• Determining non-negotiable issues, but also being prepared with items about which you are willing to compromise or negotiate

I will give you guidelines to help you work through these thoughts ahead of time so the mediation process goes smoothly. 

Negotiation

Mediation requires that both spouses are prepared to follow certain ground rules including speaking respectfully and not interrupting. This can be difficult, as emotions often run high. However, my role is to direct the conversation to the agreed-upon topics for the session and deflect negative or unproductive tangents. 

During the negotiation process, the mediator remains a neutral party. As a lawyer, I can advise you on the law, but as a mediator, I cannot make legal recommendations. However, I can draw from my previous cases to inform you about what has worked for other couples. Many clients find it extremely helpful to know that their particular situation is not unique and that similar situations have been successfully resolved for others. This creates a positive atmosphere and a sense of hope. 

It is not uncommon for negotiations to become difficult or heated. In these cases, I either employ de-escalation techniques or recommend taking a break. That may mean a short break or it may mean rescheduling. If we reschedule, I will suggest issues for each of you to think about so that the negotiations can resume productively at the next session. 

It’s important for couples to realize that they probably won’t get everything they want and will need to compromise on at least some issues. In mediation, I maintain a focus on where the couples’ needs and interests intersect – for instance, both wanting what is best for the children – and from those shared interests, I demonstrate that cooperative agreement is possible. Maintaining a positive atmosphere usually encourages cooperation in more difficult areas of negotiation.

Settlement

If you have brought all necessary documentation, thought through your needs and goals ahead of time, and are willing to negotiate, mediation is usually an efficient process. We can go through the issues one by one, coming to reasonable agreements. Once all issues have been resolved, we will be ready to draft the divorce settlement.

Once signed and filed, the divorce settlement is legally binding. Our office will draft the settlement, which you will then have the opportunity to review. If you wish, you may take it to another attorney or an accountant for review prior to signature.

At the Law Office and Mediation Services of Elissa C. Goldberg, LLC, we focus on mediation. Contact our Doylestown, Bucks County office at (215) 345-5259 for a complimentary initial consultation to see if mediation is right for you.