Stop Fighting and Start Mediating Your Divorce
Most couples who are going through a divorce do not have good communication skills by the time I see them. Besides the baggage from a deteriorating marriage, once the decision to divorce has been made, many couples stop thinking like couples and start thinking like individuals who are trying to protect their assets and “win” against the soon-to-be-ex-spouse. In these situations, when emotions of hurt and anger tend to be close to the surface, I encourage mediating your divorce.
That may seem surprising, given my description. But in these situations, mediation is often the best road to healing and a successful divorce. When divorcing couples who are already filled with negative emotions go to court to settle their divorce, the pain and anger increase, division widens, years go by without settlement, and no one ends up happy in the end.
What can mediation do?
In mediation, couples negotiate with one another directly, with the help of a mediator. While mediators are not required to be lawyers, as a mediator and attorney, I have a significant advantage because I understand the intricacies of law and have experience with litigation and arbitration to draw on when advising couples.
The mediator does not give legal advice, but rather provides education about legal matters and can help divorcing couples come to “win-win” situations whenever possible. With an experienced eye and a discerning ear, I can generally assess when one partner is “giving in” rather than expressing his or her real thoughts or desires, and I help both parties understand each other’s perspectives and come to a helpful conclusion.
Just a few of the advantages of mediating your divorce:
- Mediation is much less expensive and is generally completed in a few months. Couples can choose several sessions or a single “marathon” mediation.
- Couples have complete control over where and when to meet for their convenience.
- Couples can actually develop listening skills and communication techniques that could help them resolve differences after the divorce.
- Mediation calms the emotional trauma and promotes healing much more quickly than any other divorce method because it encourages open communication, mutual understanding, problem-solving, compromise, and respect. You may not be able to reconcile your differences, but you don’t have to hate each other.
- Couples are much more satisfied with the final agreement because they have come to the decisions together, rather than turning over the decision to a stranger (judge) who doesn’t know them and doesn’t have any skin in the game.
- Mediation keeps your private lives private. Once a divorce heads to court, it becomes public knowledge and anyone can find out about the most intimate details of your private life. With mediation, you keep control over your lives and maintain your privacy.
- Mediation can include mediation-friendly attorneys when necessary. If you want an attorney to review the agreement or provide you with advice, be sure to choose a lawyer who is an advocate of mediation and knows how to work in that climate.
When is mediation not appropriate?
There are some situations in which mediation is not appropriate or not permitted. These include:
- Domestic violence or abuse
- Substance abuse
- Hidden assets or history of financial deceit
- Obvious power imbalance – one spouse clearly dominates, or one spouse does not feel comfortable expressing views
- One spouse simply won’t agree to it or refuses to compromise
How can we help you?
Our goal is to help you make tough decisions with confidence and without burning bridges, open paths to future cooperation when children are involved, and hasten the healing process so that you can move on to a brighter future. If you are interested in mediating your divorce, contact our Doylestown office in Bucks County, PA at (215) 345-5259 for a consultation. The first consultation is free, and always confidential.