Recently divorced or separated holiday survival

Recently divorced or separated holiday survival. Separation or divorce can make holidays very difficult. Strategizing to avoid painful custodial exchanges or conversations with extended family can help. Even if you have not given much thought to minimizing awkward situations, you still can arm yourself to reduce the post-separation holiday blues.

If you have children, start by planning custodial exchanges as amicably and thoroughly as possible – in advance. If you know your ex will push your buttons when you drop off or pick up the kids, arrange for a sibling or friend to make the exchange. Plan extra fun events with your kids the day before or after your ex has custody. Let the holiday spirit imbue any necessary interactions with your ex, and try to be generous if they are running late or request special favors.

Remember: keep all text, email or social media interactions or comments about your ex positive, proof that you are an excellent co-parent. Don’t indulge ugly feelings by putting them into text in any form. It can only harm you.

A first holiday meal without your children can be a downer. Be proactive and plan to be with sympathetic friends or family that can respect your boundaries. It’s common for newly separated or divorced persons to find themselves back at their parent’s table rather than hosting their own holiday meal. This can feel like a step backward in life. Adopt a positive frame of mind prior to such events – at least you have an extended family to lean on in hard times. Practice a few deflective phrases to answer inquiries by well-meaning but insensitive friends or relatives.
Try to view your unexpected alone time as a gift. Fill it with lunch dates with old friends or excursions with old buddies whom you rarely had time for before your separation. Even if you don’t have children, you may find yourself spinning through unexpected down time now that you are single. Perhaps a spa date, a counseling session, or another form of self-care can fill the gap.

Be sure you plan regular physical activity or workouts and curb unhealthy eating habits. A tried and true method for shaking the blues or reframing a feeling of loneliness is to volunteer at a shelter or outreach program. Attend church or join a meditation or spiritual community.

Tight finances often accompany divorce and separation. If big gift-giving ideas just aren’t in your budget, try smaller gifts from the heart. The best gifts often cost nothing at all – peace between you and your ex during the holidays is a way to show your children you really love them and put them first. It works as well for extended family.

Instead of allowing the loss that divorce entails be the lens through which you see the holidays, try to see the past with gratitude and the future with hope.

My staff and I wish you a safe and happy holiday season.

-Elissa C. Goldberg, Esquire

Law Office of Elissa C. Goldberg
107 North Broad Street, Suite 211
Doylestown, PA 18901