Lessons from COVID for Divorced Parents: Plan Ahead

As a result of the COVID pandemic, divorced parents in the greater Bucks County area have learned a great deal about the importance of building contingency plans and planned flexibility into custody arrangements. Although we certainly hope that this pandemic will be over soon and there won’t be any other national emergencies, life is messy, and family crises can sometimes arise. It’s best to be prepared.

Contingency Plans

Make sure you have emergency plans in place for any extended disruption of custody orders. You should already have worked out short-term expected disruptions such as snow days or sick days. However, what if school closes for an extended time? 

With lengthy school closings or schooling from home, consider which parent is more available to provide the support, and if both work, who is most likely to be able to adapt to a work-from-home environment. Even when working from home, you still have to work. Your time will be limited. Will it be necessary to hire help? Maybe have a family member come for an extended visit to help with the child care? These are the issues to flesh out, based on your particular situation. There may be expenses associated with these arrangements, so include in your agreement how they will be paid. 

In anticipation of extended teaching-from-home or homeschooling, which parent has the technology available to provide the home-based schooling during the emergency? If the parent who is more available does not have sufficient technology, decide how to get that technology. Again, determine who will pay what portion of these expenses. 

Financing

During the COVID-19 pandemic, many people lost their jobs or received significant cuts in their income. Usually, if someone who is paying child support can’t pay, the person files a request for modification, based on unemployment, disability, or other change in circumstance. While the payor may receive relief from the court, the custodial parent still needs to support the children.

So, if you’re the custodial parent, think ahead about what you can do to make ends meet. Tap into savings? Make side money with a hobby? Ask for help from family? Brainstorm the possibility with trusted friends or family. You may also write into your custody agreement that the payor of child support should also consider using savings or a side gig to support the children.

Medical Decisions

Your custody plan should clearly define who has the authority to make medical decisions for the children and how that authority may be shared. When one parent disagrees with the other regarding a child’s safety, the first step, of course, is to try to discuss it. But if that does not work, you may have to look to outside help to decide the differences. 

Some issues that arose during COVIDD:

• Following safety guidelines: One parent was very cautious and the other was not concerned
• Vaccine: One parent wanted the child to be vaccinated and the other strongly opposed
• Exposure: One of the parents worked in an environment with a higher risk of exposure
• Child isolation: One parent kept a child isolated while the other parent was concerned about loneliness having a negative impact on the child’s mental health 

These examples are pretty specific to a medical emergency like the pandemic, but other types of issues could arise in other temporary emergencies. Talk it out with your co-parent, try to come up with other emergency scenarios, and brainstorm solutions.

Keep in mind that, in most cases, both divorced parents really want what is best for their children, but they often disagree about what that means. The court may not always be available, nor is a judge always the best choice to resolve your differences. Consider including in your custody agreement an alternative, such as a panel of trusted friends or advisors, to sit with you and mediate if such issues ever arise. You both will probably be happier with the results than if you went to a judge.

Unforeseen Events

If conditions arise that were not anticipated, how will differences be resolved? Again, mediation with trusted and fairly impartial people may be your best option if the two of you can’t come to an agreement.   

Final Thoughts

Clearly delineate in the agreement that emergency measures are simply that – for the period of the emergency only, and not to be extended beyond their necessary time without mutual consent.

It is worth it to work together when emergencies arise. You shouldn’t just say “Oh, let’s have a judge decide.” Judges really should be the last resort. Contact us at (215) 345-5259. We are seasoned child custody mediators whose objective is to help divorced parents develop the best possible arrangements for themselves and their children.