Is Mediation Right For You?

Mediation is a great way to save money in a divorce, but is not right for everyone. Mediation, Median, Intermediate, Medium, Media – these words all share the common root of “Medi,” meaning “Middle,” or something that is between two points. In divorce, the two points are the divorcing spouses; mediation helps the two find financial, legal and logistical middle ground.

Sometimes, the two points aren’t even on the same planet, let alone the same ground. Divorcing couples are often the worst judges of what they can accomplish together as they split apart. So how do you know if mediation will be fruitful for you and your soon to be ex?

I’ve noticed a few early indicators that mediation might be successful.

Are you able to have a conversation? Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But if you literally cannot be in the same room with each other, you cannot talk. Spouse to spouse talking saves money. So, first rule is you have to agree to talk with each other in the same room.

When you do talk, is it face to face? A surprising number of divorce negotiations between spouses take place these days via email, text or other  forms of social media. The time delay of written communication can allow spouses to gather their thoughts, subvert nonproductive or emotional responses, or just cool things down. It can also lead to great misunderstanding when it comes to the intended tone of communication.

Mediation puts you back face to face, able to read each other’s facial and body gestures and tone of voice. Are you ready for it?

Are you able to sit and share a table, a meal, a neutral conversation with your spouse? Again, this sounds obvious, but if one spouse is constantly popping up and roaming the room in agitation, it’s counterproductive. True, mediation is meant to help two people perambulate a terrain they haven’t been able to conquer on their own. But the mediator is not a psychologist. Neutral tolerance of each other’s presence is good practice for actual conversation.

I highly recommend Mediation as a process to keep decision making private and costs down. Many of my clients sail through in a few sessions, leaving each meeting with a “to do” list of topics they want to discuss with each other in private before returning to formalize details. This kind of cooperation typically results in the best and most sound Property Settlement Agreements.

So, are you ready for the “Middle” ground, or stuck on the High ground? It helps to take a few moments to evaluate your situation before plunging ahead.