Finding Love After Divorce
Divorce can seem all-encompassing when you are going through it. Many may feel the main lesson they’ve learned is that romantic love can’t be trusted or that happiness is unattainable. Relationship experts say this isn’t necessarily true.
A key seems to be how the divorcing person takes care of their own needs during and after the divorce. This includes one’s emotional, mental, physical and financial health, as well as the needs of the family if children are involved. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m attaching below a list of my favorite divorce websites/columnists/articles that may help. Counselors generally agree that a less bitter or acrimonious parting leaves a person more intact and better able to move forward to new, more positive relationships.
In other words, start building a foundation for a new, better relationship by taking control of how you go through the end of the old one – no matter what stage of the divorce you are in currently.
From a legal perspective, mediation or Collaborative Law offer more privacy, protection and the ability to emerge from divorce with dignity. If you and your spouse are generally in agreement as to the split and able to discuss sensitive issues like custody, support and division of marital assets, mediation may be a great option since it places the two parties and one mediator at the table. Mediation allows less room for misinterpretation, and is also a less expensive divorce option, since you are not paying two lawyers to speak for you.
I have been a Family Law mediator for more than two decades, and, since I also litigate divorces in court, I can tell you that those spouses who can talk to each other directly are better off emotionally and financially than those who go to court.
If you are afraid your viewpoint and rights are not being protected, or you have large assets and tricky financial negotiations ahead, Collaborative Law is another path that protects your legal rights without turning over decisions to a judge. In Collaborative Law, both parties hire specially trained lawyers and sign a contract agreeing not to go to court, providing impetus to solve problems together. Both parties and attorneys meet in group sessions that may include financial professionals or counselors, in order to keep conversations on track.
As a member of the Bucks County Collaborative Law Group, I full-heartedly support this as a more efficient method to allow each party to be heard while negotiating a more beneficial – and private – resolution to divorce and family issues.
Whether you are just beginning a divorce or now see your divorce in your rearview mirror, I wish you a healthy and happier new beginning. If you’d like to discuss your family law legal issues, I offer a free first consult. Please contact my office at 215-345-5259.
-Elissa C. Goldberg, Esquire
Some resources I like:
Splitopia.com, by Wendy Paris. This website is thorough and well researched, as well as hip and playful. Paris, who began by researching divorce for her eponymous book while she was traversing her own split, is now a dedicated divorce advice columnist. She covers everything from how to weave the news that you are divorcing in casual elevator conversations, to post-divorce dating and sex.
Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law. The Williams Institute is a think tank dedicated to scholarly research about sexual orientation, gender identity law and public policy. They’ve issued some strong research about same sex couples and divorce in recent years.
Huffington Post. Huff Post has had a columnist and regular articles on divorce for several years. They are a reputable place to find recent research and breaking news on the divorce front. While being or going through a divorce may have you pining for your married days, this recent hilarious Huff Post writeup might remind you that no marriage is perfect: Funny marriage tweets.