Divorce – How Can A Lawyer Empower You

Breakups are never pretty. As the very term suggests, something is tearing apart – that would be your relationship, your heart, and your home. Inevitably there is the splitting of assets, of parental rights – even your dog might be part of the tricky equation of “who gets what.”

In divorce, there inevitably comes a moment when you can no longer talk directly to your spouse productively about your split. That’s the time for a lawyer. Exactly when this occurs is as unique as each relationship. One couple may look for a lawyer after a long separation with all the details worked out and nothing left to do but file the legal documents. Another may not be able to decide who picks the kids up from school without intermediaries.

The point to remember is that your lawyer speaks for you, and only you. Your lawyer provides a buffer between yourself and the emotional maelstrom you are likely negotiating with your soon-to-be ex. A good divorce lawyer is not a psychologist, but acts as a sober adviser who can re-focus attention on the specifics of how to construct a future alone. Sometimes, this is as calming as a good therapy session! Who wouldn’t feel better knowing she’s carefully planned how to protect herself, her kids and her assets?

That said, choosing a lawyer can feel daunting to a divorce novice. Shop for your lawyer the same way you’d shop for any other service personnel. Ask friends for recommendations. Use local and national online databanks like avvo.com to search out nearby lawyers and how other lawyers rate them.

If you have the time, shop around a little. Most lawyers offer a free first consultation, some up to an hour’s worth of their time. These initial meetings are often by phone, but you may prefer to meet face to face to get a better idea of their style and yours. You may hit pay dirt on your first consult, but don’t be afraid to try more if something about the attorney makes you uncomfortable.

Another thought to consider is what process of divorce works best for you. The legal system, like the people it serves, is not monolithic. There are actually four different legal pathways to flow through the divorce process. The most famous, thanks to a slew of well-reported celebrity divorces, involves litigation in a public court of law where the judge decides points of contention.

Even if you just want to file the legal documents dissolving your union, a lawyer is very familiar with the process and can save you time for a flat fee. Think about getting your car fixed – do you monkey around with it yourself, possibly causing more damage, or do you take it to a mechanic who sees hundreds of your kind of car and its problems each year? Yeah, most of us think it’s worth taking it to a specialist.

Two other methods have gained increased popularity in recent years. A lawyer can serve as a mediator between you and your spouse. This is the only case where the contract is with BOTH you and your spouse, and the lawyer’s role is to clarify the decisions you make together, not to adjudicate. This is particularly empowering for couples who still have a good working relationship in spite of their differences.

Collaborative law is a relatively new idea that provides both sides with legal protection while keeping their personal lives private. During your free consult, ask if the lawyer has special training in this process.

In collaborative law, each party hires a collaborative lawyer and agrees to the process until an agreement is reached – or both parties decide litigation is necessary after all. This is a more holistic approach, and clients often choose to include a financial planner and family counselor on the team. In Pennsylvania, an agreement reached this way does not require an appearance in court to finalize the divorce. New Jersey still requires a visit to court, but with an agreement already in hand so it is far less taxing then litigation.

Collaborative law provides the support necessary to help the divorcing couple strip away emotions to see the skeletal legal structure they are creating. In that sense, divorce is the last act of co-creation a divorcing couple will do together.

No matter which approach you choose, getting the best legal advice makes you an architect, not a victim.

Elissa C. Goldberg is a mediation lawyer trained in collaborative law who also handles litigation, custody and family law cases. She has practiced in Bucks County, PA since 1995. You can visit her at Law Office of Elissa C. Goldberg

The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. This web site is designed for general information only. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your specific situation. We invite you to contact us and welcome your calls, letters and emails. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship. Please do not send any confidential information to us until such time as an attorney-client relationship has been established.

©2015 Elissa C. Goldberg Law Office. All Rights Reserved.