Divorce and the Legal Meaning of Love
What’s divorce got to do with Love? Here I revisit a blog I posted four years ago on what the Courts say…..
Valentine’s Day is here and Love is in the air …. Or is it?
The interesting 1958 case of Bunger v. Bunger offers a glimpse of how the legal world grapples with the abstract concept of love. Law is limited to, as Detective Joe Friday from “Dragnet” would have put it, “Just the facts, ma’am.” But facts can be interpreted in different ways, and nothing twists those ways of viewing more than a divorce.
Doris and Carl Bunger were two middle-aged lovers in Iowa. They married in Waterloo, Iowa on Sept. 26, 1951, when he was 41 and she was thirtysomething. That’s the first fact.
The couple lived for a month or so with his mother on her farm, while a new, $14,000 home was completed nearby (that’s about $113,000 in today’s dollars). The house was a wedding gift from his mother. That’s the second fact.
The couple moved into their new home, but around the 40th day of marriage, while Carl was out seeing to some farm business, Doris loaded up all her personal belongings and furniture and left. Doris called Carl the day after she left and said something like “I love you, and when you love me, I’ll be with you.” He remembered it differently. But they both agreed there was a phone call. That was the third fact.
For five years, the two saw each other only twice, until Carl took her to court to divorce on grounds of desertion. The trial court denied his petition, but the Iowa Supreme Court, on May 6, 1958 issued an opinion in his favor, one that radiates the wisdom of Solomon.
“Love is an emotion evidenced by words and acts. Sometimes acts are more important than words. In order to establish its presence or absence a factual statement of some type is necessary. Without such statement, (Doris’) charge that (Carl) did not ‘return her love’ is meaningless. It might properly be said the use of the word “love” alone is in the nature of a conclusion,” the court wrote.
Then, the court veered from mere observation to something akin to Biblical pronouncement. “The basic acts establishing love are kindness, consideration, understanding, patience, sacrifice or sufferance, if necessary, and certain words and physical acts and demonstrations which constitute evidence of affection between the persons involved.”
Not only the Bible, but the Supreme Court of Iowa (!) think that love has something to do with self-abnegation and patience. In this week of hearts and flowers, it’s worth keeping in mind that even the courts operate on an assumption that love is evidenced by something more than cardboard cards and chocolates. Actions – or lack thereof – speak the loudest, both in real, legal terms and in our daily lives.
That sobering thought is one I deal with each day in my practice, whether I’m working as a mediator, helping a family to adopt, or shepherding a client through divorce. Maybe Joe Friday had it right after all. This Valentine’s Day, take a moment to examine “the facts, ma’am, just the facts.” Here’s hoping you will find the “evidence” of true love in your life – in both the real and the legal sense.
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Originally published February 12, 2015
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