Death Of Parent After a Divorce

For any child, the death of a parent is a shock and a life-altering event.  When parents are divorced, additional issues may surface which can cause children significant stress.  Adjusting to life without their parent, living full-time with the other, and managing their grief and mourning can be overwhelming.  

When you initially divorce you should create peace.  This will not only make it easier on your children when both parents are living but also for the surviving parent and the children should one of you pass too soon.  As a divorce mediator in Doylestown, my practice is dedicated to help you create that peace.  

While conversations about death and your affairs can be awkward, the best time to address these issues is during your divorce and then as you adjust your estate planning. It is critical to be forthcoming with each other about your will, insurance, and financial affairs as you set them up.   

As an example, a Bucks County resident with a terminal illness created a new will right before his death, never discussing any details with his ex-wife.  He forgot that life insurance was part of his divorce, had never changed beneficiaries on his retirement accounts, and did not even have a list of assets and debts.  In his last minute estate planning he named his sister, who lived far away, as the executor and made no provisions for his children to be financially supported.  After his death the attorneys would not talk to the ex-wife to sort out details and the kids’ cars were almost sold to pay off his funeral.  He had incorrectly filled out change of beneficiary forms for his life insurance policies and it was unclear what he wanted.  The ex-wife wound up maintaining her beneficiary status over accounts she didn’t even know existed because of mistakes while, at the same time, completely bewildered that he had not followed the instructions of their divorce agreement when it came to other life insurance policies.  Confused?  So was everyone involved including the attorneys, the executor, the children and the ex-wife. Legal bills for all parties were significant and a massive rift was created between his children and his sister.  All of this confusion could have been avoided with some open and honest discussions.  

While you and your spouse may not have peace yet, it is critical to address these issues early on in your divorce process.  Should anything happen to you, you do not want the other parent to struggle, you want them to be helping your children.  Here are some general guidelines to follow when thinking about your divorce and how you want your children taken care of in the event of your death.  

As a note, your divorce decree is a legally binding court order.  Provisions made in your divorce will, most of the time, supercede any other changes you make going forward unless you go back to court and specifically amend the agreement.  

1. In your divorce decree you can state that both parents are to remain covered by life insurance as the beneficiaries of those policies as well as describe how the money is then to be managed and used in the event of your death.  This is great protection because should one of you become ill, a last minute change can not be made cutting out the other.  
2. Be very honest about who you name to be the executor and how that person is to work with your ex for the care of your children.  Your executor should not be your brother who is bitter about your divorce and hates your ex.  Sometimes a neutral friend is a better choice.  The executor will have to deal directly with your ex on many issues including paying bills, supporting your children, and transferring ownership of vehicles.  It is in the best interest of your children to have peace in this process.  
3. The surviving parent is going to need immediate access to financial assistance as there may be substantial bills.  This can include additional housing, food, health insurance, therapy and extra curricular fees.  If alimony and child support stop upon your death the pressure can be exorbitant.  This can be handled through an additional life insurance policy or even a bank account you set up and co-own that has emergency funds in it.  Your ex and executor should have strict instructions on how to use this money.  Again, these important details can all be stipulated in your divorce agreement for protection.  

After your divorce it is critical to update your will and estate planning documents so your final wishes are known and can be honored.  While awkward, we can work closely together so you can ensure your divorce decree addresses these issues.  

Discussing these issues and providing money for your children does not mean you hand money over to your ex-spouse.  This process and these details are necessary to ensure your children are financially supported in the event that something happens to you.