How are you going to get through the holidays?
With Halloween behind us, many divorced and divorcing couples are looking to the holidays with trepidation. Regardless of where you are in the divorce process, it is hard to negotiate who spends what holiday where, changing schedules, family traditions, and feelings of guilt. I have helped countless couples in the Bucks County area walk through the divorce mediation process and have watched many successfully negotiate the holidays.
The Schedule:
Your schedule should be agreed upon far in advance. Where your children spend holidays is negotiated as part of your divorce agreement but it is always a good idea to review the plan so everyone is very clear on pickup and drop-off times. If you are just getting divorced you can rotate holidays so every other year you have your children on a specific day. Some couples divvy up the holidays to maintain traditions. The children may always spend Thanksgiving with mom and winter break with dad. If you need help working out a plan I can help you.
Gifts:
We all know the stereotypical divorced parent who spends an insane amount of money so they look better than their ex. This only creates problems and your children will figure out what is going on. It is better if you and your ex have a limit or range and divide up a wishlist fairly. Each parent should buy a special gifts and avoid duplicating the efforts of the other.
You:
Make sure you take time for yourself during the holidays and practice some self-care. This can include making sure you have gifts under the tree for yourself, maybe going for a massage and spending time with friends. Additionally,make sure you have plans on holidays when you are not going to have your children. If your children are having Thanksgiving dinner with your ex then make sure you have a place to go or host a group at your house. Sitting home alone may be hard.
It is so important to think about what is in the best interest of the children. If one family has a special tradition where all the cousins get together for an evening, it might be best if you let go even if it is part of your parenting time. Your spouse may call and say “I want to get her the computer,” and you might want to just go ahead and let her do it. Establishing new post-divorce traditions and taking care of yourself will also help you through this season.