The Cost of Divorce

A Series exploring how to control and measure the cost of divorce in Bucks County, PA.

Part III “How can I control the legal costs of my divorce?”

Here’s the Golden Rule: Talk = Money.

Let me explain.

In my previous two blogs about the cost of divorce, I mentioned that the final legal bill for your divorce rests, in a large part, in your hands. This is because you can control your side of the divorce process more than perhaps you realize.

Step One in controlling costs is: TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE. I cannot emphasize this enough. True, a lack of effective communication is often an underlying cause of divorce. Yet, here is one instance where Talk really DOES equal Money. Literally. So decide if you are angry enough with your soon-to-be-ex to pull out your checkbook and pay someone else to talk to them for you. This is essentially what a lawyer does.

Step Two is: STAY OUT OF COURT. Your legal bills rise directly in proportion to how much of your attorney’s time is spent pursuing hearings on your behalf or preparing to defend or argue for you in front of a judge. Step Two is directly related to Step One, in that if you and your spouse can sit down and map out a plan together – in my office, I call this the “kitchen table” approach – you are less likely to need to litigate to resolve differences.

Step Three is: CHOOSE THE APPROACH TO DIVORCE THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU. Litigated, or traditional divorce before a judge, is no longer the only option. More on this below.

Here’s an example. Two couples, A and B, agree they should divorce but disagree about key points of how to divide assets, custody and/or childcare. They start looking for lawyers, each thinking the other is unfair, unrealistic, uncaring or unresponsive.

Couple A discovers, each through researching lawyers independently, that negotiating through a lawyer is charged on an hourly basis, and they find lawyers in their area charge roughly the same rates. Together they have an epiphany: “Let’s put our money into building our future lives instead of dwelling on the pain of the present.”

With this key basic agreement, they are able to curb their feelings about the divorce and concentrate on the facts of the divorce. They research and find an attorney who is a trained mediator and are able to sit and work out details this way. Then, they obtain independent legal opinions about the settlement. Lawyers are involved, but Couple A is controlling how many lawyers, how many hours, and how quickly they can finish their discussions productively. They complete their divorce, from legal complaint to divorce decree, in less than six months and under their budget.

Another dignified new approach for Couple A is Collaborative Law, which my office also offers. In this option, Husband A and Wife A agree to talk to each other, but they want more structure in the conversation and voices at the table. Thus, they each hire a lawyer trained in collaborative law, then one neutral financial planner and one neutral divorce coach or child specialist to keep them focused and on track.

There are more fees to pay this way, but there is also a more thorough “doublechecking” of the divorce from many angles – legally, financially and emotionally – so that each party feels more confident after the last paper is signed. So many variables make it difficult to estimate the cost of Collaborative Law, but an article at Forbes.com estimates that Collaborative Law divorce can cost a third less than litigated divorce.

Couple B, meanwhile, is not faring so well. They are arguing over everything. They have each sought out the most aggressive attorneys they can find. Perhaps this tactic works for them – sometimes litigation is the only way to get past a logjam in negotiations. In fact, litigation means negotiations are over, and the couple has set their course for a third party – a judge – to decide what is best for them.

But remember, TALK = MONEY. Most couples at this point are too emotionally distraught to realize they have made the choice to stop talking and start paying more legal fees. And this is the main point I wish to make. When you stop talking, you start paying.

Of course there are some costs you cannot control in divorce. There are court fees and filing fees, which vary by county. Here are three local online resources to look up the exact amount you will pay:

*Bucks County Court, Domestic Relations

*Go to Montgomery County Court

*Go to Philadelphia Courts.

Fees for certified mail or a process server are sometimes also necessary to provide proof to the court that all parties see certain documents.

Aside from these set fees, though, remember the golden rule. TALK=MONEY

Up Next: Part IV “What is the emotional ‘cost’ of divorce?”