Begin your Pennsylvania divorce with the end goal in mind
Divorce by definition is caused by two people who cannot agree. A key choice you need to make when beginning divorce is what you want the legal process to achieve
Most people would say “That’s easy. I want a fair deal.” The complications come when two people, who already disagree, begin to hammer out what each can consider to be a “fair deal.” When a mediator or collaborative attorney is involved, they will likely advise both to start with the end and work backwards.
Are there many assets to divide? Sit down and start with a statement of what you both want to walk away with. It can be detailed, such as a list of physical objects and assets, or it can be general principles, such as statements like “I want to have a similar standard of living, have discussed in advance all financial issues related to my kids, how my retirement will look, and how much net worth I will end up with as a single person.”
Are there children involved? Sit down and write out what you would consider to be the best possible outcome for your kids. Again, it can be specific, such as a list of custody choices, or it can be a general idea, such as “I want Joannie and John to see little disruption in their daily lives, to rarely see or feel parental conflict, and to be protected from any acrimony between us.”
This is a key moment of clarity for most divorcing persons. By forcing themselves to think through issues of their post-divorce life, they place their focus on the ultimate goal rather than the smaller obstacles in the way.
Taking the time to think through, or better yet, write out one’s personal goals in divorce, is a disciplined act of will that automatically sets the stage for collaboration, even if one’s spouse has not done the same. Let’s say Spouse A has written out their lists or ideas, but Spouse B has not. When there is a snarl over property or custody issues, Spouse A has a refuge, a mental place they can step into to review their ultimate goals. Spouse B may be, wittingly or unwittingly, motivated more by revenge than reason, but Spouse A has a firm grasp of what must be accomplished to reach the end goal. They can ask themselves, “If I make this move or say this response, will it further or hinder my ultimate goal?”
In my experience, most people are looking for shelter and validation when they hire a divorce attorney. It’s my preference that they also go through the steps to make them feel more in control of a process that feels out of control. Setting clear goals is a good way to start.