Divorce Mediation Can Teach You to Have a Peaceful Divorce
If you are getting divorced, chances are you argue, have very different points of view on key issues such as finances and raising the children, and don’t communicate well. And yet, divorce mediation can teach you and your spouse how to be peaceful and cooperative during and after your divorce – even if you have been fighting while married.
You may wonder how that could possibly happen, but I have seen it many times as a divorce mediator. Through the mediation process, the couple is guided to cooperate with each other in negotiating the division of property and custody of the children. For couples who argue often, seeing that this is even possible can be a game-changer as they move into their post-divorce life.
When acting as a mediator, it is not my job to decide things for you, but rather to provide direction and suggest strategies that can help you talk things out reasonably. When you see it in action and see how these methods can bring about a peaceful resolution, you will want to execute them after your divorce, as well.
If you have children, you two will still be interacting from time to time. Learning how to negotiate during the mediation process will help you in future interactions when you have to determine which parent will attend which of your children’s activities, when the children will go on vacation with each parent, and other decisions that come up in life that cannot be anticipated in the child custody agreement.
Mediation teaches reasonableness. When couples fight, they are focused on a “me” strategy rather than an “us” strategy. This often happens when attorneys are in the middle. This can increase expenses as the goal of having a “winner” and a “loser” can create a combative atmosphere and prolong settlement. With this approach, everyone loses, because the divorce battle has set you up for battles in the future, which can be devastating for children.
With mediation, we look at your entire family, your entire financial picture, and your post-divorce life. Our goal is to divide assets and debts and to establish a custody arrangement so that everyone wins.
Everyone has pressure points, and divorcing couples are often very adept at pushing the buttons of their spouse. But as a neutral observer, I can see when someone is getting triggered, point it out, and help you both learn de-escalation techniques to rephrase and disarm the language in order to diffuse the situation and come to a resolution. This is a powerful communication strategy that many divorcing couples do not know how to utilize.