Can You Win in Your Divorce?

Because divorce can be difficult, I’ve committed my practice to helping my clients go through the process with as little pain and anxiety as possible by emphasizing methods for out-of-court resolution, such as mediation and collaborative law. In these methods, the emphasis is placed on resolving matters through negotiation. I’ve found that this is the best way to “win” in your divorce.

Going into your divorce with the mindset that you want to “win” or even “have your day in court” can stall the process, increase your legal bills, and create a substantial amount of stress in your life. While all divorces have their emotions and bumps, mediation and other negotiation methods can be significantly less expensive and more peaceful.  

In mediation, the mediator sits down with both partners and helps them work together to find an amicable settlement. In collaborative law, both spouses sign a contract to stay out of court and find other solutions. While these methods may not be ideal when you are dealing with a situation of physical or emotional abuse, substance abuse, or psychological problems, it helps most other couples settle their divorce with as little anxiety and cost as possible. That said, there are a few rules of thumb you need to follow in order for these methods to succeed.   

First, know your non-negotiables, but keep them within reason. Don’t expect to get the house, the car, alimony, all the investments, the vacation home, and your spouse’s 401k. It’s just not going to happen. Decide a few things that are really important to you and be prepared to negotiate with the rest. 

When thinking about your non-negotiables, also think about what your spouse’s non-negotiables are likely to be. If you know your spouse is really going to want the antique car and you know what it’s worth, which of your non-negotiables are you going to ask for in return? 

If both of you are likely to have the same non-negotiable – say, the family home, – you can’t both “win” on that, but there still may be a way for both of you to be happy. Be prepared with strong arguments why you should get the house and be prepared with a strong bargaining chip in return for getting the house, making it a win-win. 

Don’t make demands or ultimatums. Try to keep your emotions in check. And be reasonable with your requests, taking into consideration your spouse’s limitations. You can’t ask for more money than he or she makes, nor can you demand that the best time for you to drop off the kids is when you know your spouse is at work. 

In summary, usually, the best way to “win” in your divorce is to stay out of court and be ready to compromise. While we are successful litigators when necessary, we try to avoid divorce court, because when you go to court, both of you “lose” – you lose control of your divorce settlement and turn it over to a judge who will make legally binding decisions about your family that both of you may not like.

Another way to “win” in your divorce is to avoid excessive costs. The more time your lawyer spends on your case, the more expensive it will be. Going to court can cost tens of thousands of dollars. You’ll both be happier if you can keep more money in your pockets, or have more to spend on your children. Consider putting the money saved by cooperation into a college fund or some other special fund. That will be an incentive for both of you to negotiate in good faith. 

However, this does not mean you need to always give in to what the other partner demands. As I stated, decide what’s really important to you and stick to that as much as possible. Be flexible and be ready to barter or bargain with the other negotiables. 

“Peaceful” and “divorce” are not two words typically found together, but that’s what we try to do for our clients here at Elissa C. Goldberg Law Office and Mediation Services. Give us a call today to see how we can help you.