“My Sister Got a Better Settlement Than Me” – Differences in Divorce Settlements

Here in our Doylestown office, we hear many stories from clients and potential clients regarding the divorce settlements of their friends and family. While it is a great idea to talk to others for support, I can assure you that when you hear the specifics of their final arrangements, you never really have the full story.  

Divorce settlements involve some of the most delicate­—and sometimes cut-throat—negotiations in the legal field. You want to make sure that your lawyer is truly adept at the “art of the deal” or it may become the “art of the steal” for your ex.

At the Law Office and Mediation Services of Elissa C. Goldberg, we pride ourselves on our depth of experience and our ability to negotiate the very best terms for our clients. That negotiation involves many factors, which is why sometimes it might look like someone you know got a “better deal” in their divorce, when in reality, that may not be true.

Why does it look like a better deal?

You never know all the actual circumstances or details in a divorce. Rarely do people give you the whole story in a divorce, even your best friends and closest family members. There are usually things you don’t know. And people often want to make themselves look or feel like they “won” by telling people about what they “got” but not sharing what they had to give up. In negotiation, there’s always a trade-off. 

Higher alimony may have been negotiated against retirement assets or paying certain bills. Maybe your friend got the beach house but had to give up some investments or a share of their spouse’s retirement savings. 

People have different priorities. In a divorce settlement, all assets and liabilities are on the table and must be divided, but that doesn’t mean they’re divided “equally.” They should be divided equitably, though. If a judge is involved, they get divided according to the judge’s idea of what is equitable. If the settlement does not go to court, it’s up to the lawyers and the couple to work together to negotiate. But because of different priorities, different dynamics of the couple, and different skill levels of the negotiators, the distribution of assets and liabilities can be done in an almost infinite variety of ways. 

But what about my settlement?

It may be hard to hear, but for your peace of mind, don’t compare the divorce settlements of others to your situation. Comparing yourself to others often causes us to feel worse about ourselves and our situation, when in fact we really don’t know everything about the situations of others. You never know – someone else may be looking at you and thinking you have it way better than they do.

Frequently, because of the need for give-and-take in negotiation, divorcing couples are rarely 100% happy about their settlement immediately afterward. Sometimes it takes time to adjust to the new arrangements. Once divorced people get into the new routine and life settles in, they generally realize that the arrangement was fair and is working out.

If your divorce settlement is not yet signed and you’re really uncomfortable with it, don’t sign it. Listen to your gut. It’s possible that your spouse emotionally pressured you into accepting terms that you really did not want. It’s possible your lawyer is simply not a very good negotiator. And it’s possible you just have a feeling that your soon-to-be-ex is not being completely honest about something. 

In such cases, we recommend you change lawyers. A fresh pair of eyes and a different perspective could help you get a settlement you’re more comfortable with. 

If your divorce is already settled and you’re not happy with the results, it is possible to file to have your divorce settlement overturned under certain circumstances. If you can demonstrate deceit or fraud, duress or undue influence, mistaken negotiations, or a fundamental inequity or unfairness of the divorce agreement in itself, you may be able to renegotiate.

What can I do now?

Rarely does a good deal in a divorce mean that one party walked away with everything. This is why it’s best not to compare your settlement with someone else’s. But if you’re in the midst of negotiations and you’re not happy, or if your settlement is closed and you believe it was unfair, contact us at the Law Office and Mediation Services of Elissa C. Goldberg. We are committed to helping clients get the very best possible arrangement that will benefit their families now and in the future.