Top 8 Things Not to Do As You Get Divorced

Everyone has advice about what are the things to do and what are the things not to do when getting divorced. Some of the advice is good, some is not. As with any divorce advice, we always recommend you discuss it with your attorney and we are available in our Doylestown office or over Zoom by appointment to discuss your case.  

Having helped thousands of couples successfully navigate the divorce process, we’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. Here is our list of “Don’ts.” They are things not to do and they are not in order of importance, because we think they’re all critical.

1. Don’t forget to remove your spouse as a beneficiary or legal authority. This includes documents such as your will, any financial accounts such as an IRA, 401K, or life insurance policy, safe deposit boxes and bank accounts, mortgage agreements, leases, titles, and living wills or medical powers of attorney. Be sure to update your doctor’s office if you’ve named your spouse as someone they can talk to about your health (per the HIPAA laws) and change any passwords or access to any online accounts, etc. 
2. Don’t forget tax implications. Taxes are an unavoidable reality. Married-filing-jointly is the best financial class, providing married couples with many tax benefits. There are also taxes associated with selling the family home, child support, and many other changes associated with divorce. Talk to a tax accountant early on—one who is familiar with divorce issues, if possible—to make sure you are making wise financial decisions.
3. Don’t badmouth your ex to friends, family, or on social media. This is tough, but it’s better not to spill too many details about your personal life, certainly online, but even among friends and family. Pick just a few trusted people to share your feelings with, because something could get back to your spouse that could be used against you. And be careful with your kids, too. Short of an abusive situation, children need to love and respect both their parents. 
4. Don’t avoid friends. Don’t badmouth your spouse to friends, but don’t stay away from them either. They’re your emotional support. Talk about other things, laugh, get your mind on things other than your divorce. We recommend finding a few trusted confidants who are not connected to your spouse. Keep this circle small and only include those who are true friends.  
5. Don’t compare your marriage or your divorce to other people’s. Every situation is different, and every couple is different. In our experience, individuals never share all the details. While a friend may say, “oh of course I got the house and you should as well,” they may have actually negotiated away other assets and it might not be in your best interest to do the same.  Comparing will increase the temptation to blame yourself or your ex, making everyone feel worse. 
6. Do not do anything wild or out of character. Don’t suddenly get a great big tattoo, start partying hard, or completely change your personality. Don’t go on a spending spree, take an expensive vacation, or take up a dangerous hobby. Maintain stability in your environment, for your emotional well-being and that of any children you may have.
7. Don’t neglect yourself. Your physical, emotional, and spiritual health are all critical, especially in a time of high stress. Practice good hygiene, eat well, address your feelings, and stay in touch with your faith beliefs. Keep your surroundings in order, but be balanced. If you were moderately neat before, don’t allow things to fall apart, but don’t become a clean-freak, either. External turmoil may be a sign of internal turmoil that needs to be addressed.
8. Don’t refuse to seek help. As suggested in the previous “don’t,” external behavior can indicate an internal struggle. We are not counselors, but we’ve seen many different responses to stress. Sometimes a person really benefits from talking to a professional to help emotionally work through the divorce.  

Some of these suggestions are important to continue into the near future after your divorce is finalized, to give yourself time to adjust. If a year later, you’re in a great new place in your life and you still want that tattoo, go for it.

Reach out to us here at the Law Office of Elissa C. Goldberg to see how we can help you successfully navigate through a divorce to the other side.