Five Ways to be a Great Dad after Divorce

Divorce is going to change your relationship with your children. There’s no way to avoid that. But with effort, it may actually improve it. Here are 5 ways to make sure that happens:

1.   Know yourself

Examine yourself in this new situation. Are you dealing with anger? Guilt? Feelings of inadequacy? Your children need you at your best. Do some soul-searching and come to terms with your feelings. And if you’re like most men, most of your friendships were wrapped up with your wife. So develop a new circle of friends who can support you and get you out of the house, exercising or doing something you love.

2.   Know your kids

Divorce hurts children. Some children act up to get attention while others internalize. You need to keep the lines of communication open and encourage them to share their feelings honestly. This is not usually a strong point for men, so you may have to force yourself to keep your eyes and ears open. Also know what they love, what makes them happy, and try to encourage that. Be a part of that aspect of their lives so they make an emotional connection between you and this positive thing.

3.   Be a dad, not a playmate

That said, you don’t have to be the Disney Dad to be a positive part of their lives. They don’t need to be entertained, they need to be raised. When they come to your house they are living there, not visiting. Have clear rules and give them chores. Discipline them when they need it. Help them with their homework and hold them accountable. This is what a father does and what they need from you. By all means, have a shopping cart race. Have the occasional food fight in the kitchen. Just be sure to have everyone pitch in to clean up.

4.   Find additional opportunities to be in their lives

Maybe you only get them on weekends. But can you drive them to school or pick them up? Does your ex need help at the last minute? Any extra time you can get with them is worth the effort.

5.   Try to develop positive post-divorce relations

Helping your kids cope positively and having extra time with them depends on burying the hatchet with your ex. For the children’s sake, if at all possible, try to remain positive in your interactions with the ex and her family.

Remember, you’re going to make mistakes. Even if you had remained married to their mother, you would have made mistakes, so don’t blame it on the divorce. Just try to be the best darn dad you can.

-Jennifer L. Gardella for Elissa C. Goldberg, Esquire

Law Office of Elissa C. Goldberg
107 North Broad Street, Suite 211
Doylestown, PA 18901