Pennsylvania Divorce: Is mediation the right choice for you?

Mediation is an approach to divorce that can save you time and, more importantly, money. When you choose mediation, you hire one mediator – not two lawyers – and you speak directly to each other, not through your attorneys. Common sense dictates that two people who negotiate directly with each other are going to proceed more quickly than those who have various intermediaries, schedules and viewpoints.

Divorce Mediation keeps the choices in your hands, allowing you to agree to disagree, yet still compromise for the benefit of the family and/or your own future individual lives.

Perhaps this is an important question to consider: do you still consider yourself family, albeit one that is splitting into two parts? Or are you so separate in your thinking that you expect resistance to each other’s ideas at every turn?

I’ve developed a few more questions to ask yourselves to determine if you are good candidates for mediation.

1. Are you confident that you know what is best for your family – particularly if minor children are involved? A good divorce mediator will make sure the conversation touches all relevant decisions that have to be made. In the best of circumstances, the mediator acts like a magnifier, able to spot and bring your joint attention to specific matters to discuss. You must be confident that you and your spouse can recognize and accept what is in your children’s best interests, even when that conflicts with feelings you have about each other.
2. Are you capable of tolerating your spouse’s different opinion without immediately exploding in anger? A key aspect of successful mediation is an atmosphere of restraint, an agreement to pursue options that can be fair for both parties.
3. Are you capable of making decisions about your future, or do you tend to rely on friends, family or others to guide you? Be honest with yourself here. I’m not referring to having a third party – preferably a lawyer – review any agreement that comes out of mediation. That is something I recommend to all my clients. I’m referring to your own personality and history of confronting or avoiding significant decisions. The most successful mediation-derived settlement document means nothing if one or both parties cannot bring themselves to sign it.
4. Are you intimidated by your spouse? Can you speak up for your point of view while face to face with your spouse? It’s not uncommon that one spouse is more outspoken than the other. Opposites attract, after all. Do you think you can represent yourself forcefully enough, or at least know when to say you need time to consider a particular option before deciding?

Mediation can fail if both partners cannot behave civilly and with some willingness to listen before responding. However, I’ve found that even disparate parties can be surprised at how a skilled mediator can illuminate a conversation and keep it on a positive track. Often, when the emotion is drained from a choice to be made and it is looked at from an informed perspective, both parties may find they are less resistant to resolution than they thought.

I offer a first free consult if you and your spouse are considering divorce and would like to explore the option of mediation. Call my office at 215-345-5259 to schedule some time today.

– Elissa C. Goldberg, Esquire

Law Office of Elissa C. Goldberg
107 North Broad Street, Suite 211
Doylestown, PA 18901
Phone: 215-345-5259
Fax: 215-345-7458